more sadness

I guess nobody can really blame me for saying I'm sad. I am so sad. I miss Megan so much. My baby girl, missing her walk and play and watching her interact with Emily, with the dog. All the things she doesn't get to learn now, all the firsts we don't get to see. I stare at a picture and just wonder if there was clue, something I should have known or did. Just to hold her in my arms again, to feel her heart thumping against mine. To be able to kiss the top of her head just one more time. To properly say good bye.
I feel like I'm losing all of her memories. I know i should start writing them all down I just can't seem to make myself so the fear of losing them is even stronger. She made me smile and she made me laugh every single day. Even when i was at my wits end she would make me laugh. She always knew when you needed a hug and was always ready for a good cuddle and kiss.

I feel like asking everyone to start writing down their memories of Megan but I can't even do it myself. I want to remmeber the good, the bad everything. My heart is just hurting tonight. I'd do anything to change the way things happened.

Thats all i feel like writing i guess.