Thursday, October 28, 2010

Emotions are a son of a "dog" sometimes

I am so emotional.  I know it has to do with the upcoming holidays and being without Megan for all of them.  I feel like I can't breathe, all I can think about is last year, or the year before.  My only 2 Halloweens, thanksgivings, Christmases.  It isn't fair dammit.  I didn't even get to have 2 birthdays with her.  I just feel so tired and worn out.  Like Ive given up on the good fight.  I just want to lay down and not get back up.

Friday, October 15, 2010

October 15th

I lit a candle, did you?

Its a hard day for me.  Its one month since my miscarriage, I feel like my grief has just overwhelmed me today.  It is so hard some days to realize, yes this really did happen to you.  Yes she really is gone.  Yes your 18 month old child died, it just doesn't feel real.  Like I will wake up from this dream someday and realize It just wasn't true.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

I hate this, I hate this, I hate it

I hate this life I now have to live.  I hate it, I have tears streaming down my face and I am just done.  I miss my little girl so much, nobody who has not lost a child could ever ever understand.  I had a great day today, I did, I had a really great time with my wonderful husband.  Emily was with grandma and we had a complete day to ourselves and we hung out and had a really good time.  We went and had dinner at a friends house, everything was just perfect but now I cannot stop crying.  I can't stop missing her and hating that I could have such a perfect day without her.  I had a moment, one moment during the day where I cried for a minute because of some off the wall memory with her in it involving a parking lot at a Charlies Safari.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

My Story, the loss of a toddler

*My story as posted on Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope*

March 10, 2010 will be a day forever burned into my memory. It was a day I said good bye to my sweet little girl. I just didn't know I would be saying goodbye. I didn't know that it was a day I should hold her for her last nap, I didn't know that my world would come crashing down in a matter of seconds. There are enough bad things in this world, that a nap shouldn't be one of them.