Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Today is one of "those" days

I feel like I can do nothing but cry.
I don't want to be breathing.  I don't want to be alive and feeling this pain, but not feeling this pain will never happen.
Today the pain is just overwhelming my senses.  I'm sure the added hormonal influences from pregnancy are not helping. 
I'm tired.
Today is just one of those "I give up days".  I plan on doing nothing but crying because what choice do i have?  Today I need the tears and anger and grief.  I need to let it all out.
I miss my daughter so much.   I miss everything about her.  If these things are going to happen to people why can't they give us warning? I'm running out of new pictures to look at, everything is the same pictures.  I don't get anything new with her in it and I hate it.  I never get to hear her voice again, I never get to hold her close, I never get to see her grow up because its all been taken from me. 

I'm so blessed right?
Today I'm just sad and its a heavy burden.  I want to lie on the floor and cry.  Today I want to scream and curse.  Today is a day to let the tears run freely.


marisa said...


I wish that I could reach out and hug you through the computer. I have been having many of those days lately. as well. Those days when you think why do I have to live this life without her. Today is the two month mark since Isabella had passed and I feel like crawling into a whole and never coming out.

I wish that I could take all of our pain away, but unfortunately we both know that this pain in not a choice but a burden.

I am thinking of you and sweet Megan today.

Mary said...

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry. (((HUGS)))