Why?

I have this picture on my phone right now.  Every single time I open my phone this is what I see.

I see a beautiful little girl who takes my breath away.  I see a beautiful little smile that lights up a room.  I see a child so full of life and love.  Can't you see the joy in her eyes?  Why?  How did she become this?

So full of joy, so full of happiness to nothing.  Death.  My child is dead.

You can say its not fair over and over.   You can scream and cry and nothing matters.  Nothing changes.  My brown eyed girl is gone forever.  My child who was so full of life, so full of happiness.  My heart bursts with pride every time I think of her. She was perfect and I'm pissed that shes gone.  I'm so angry.  I'm so tired of people telling me I should talk to a grief counselor.  I should do this, I should do that.  I should be more optimistic.  You can't ever imagine the pain I am in.  I talked with my grandmother today about her 46 year old daughter who died probably 10 years ago.  She couldn't talk about her, immediately teared up and said I just can't.   It doesn't get easier.   Not the missing them, not the pain, nothing.  Full of life and happiness and joy to cold concrete slab. 

You think about your kids growing up so fast, blink your eyes and they are just gone.   I blinked my eyes ...........and she really is gone just like that.  In just one moment, gone forever.

“Do not judge the bereaved mother.

She comes in many forms.

She is breathing, but she is dying.

She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.

She smiles, but her heart sobs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS,

but she IS NOT, all at once.

She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.”

–Author Unknown