Saturday, January 1, 2011

2011 is here

Its here, it is no longer 2010 and well to tell you the truth it feels no different than it did yesterday.  Its just a day, an annoying one because It will take me months before I remember to write 2011 instead of 2010. 
I'm hoping this year is better than 2010, but in spite of what happened to us, I find myself wondering if it really was that bad of a year.  Yes my daughter died, yes I miscarried, yes we have had lots of family issues that make us just shake our head and say is this year ever going to be over. 
 2010 will always be a hated year, its the year I lost my sweet precious little girl to SUDC.  Its also a year that I found out so much about myself, about my strength, about my family.  Its a year that so many people came together to support me, to give me things in memory of my daughter.  The support has been amazing.  I hate that 2010 was the year my daughter left me, but like today its just a day.  It feels no different than yesterday the pain doesn't magically dissipate and my heart isn't overjoyed with the thought that this year will be better.  Everyone has told us that its time for us to have some luck for things to start going right, but it just hasn't happened.  At least it doesn't feel that way.
Ive been promising to write for days, I have drafts saved that I just don't want to share.  I'm feeling closed off and its probably not a good place.  Hopefully Ill be able to share more of my thoughts and feelings soon.  Until then, I'm doing ok :)

7 comments:

Tiffany said...

girl, take that time you need to feel what you want to feel. don't worry about not sharing posts or feeling closed off. i have that time as well. i share a lot of my thoughts but there are definitely some times (usually the really dark times) that i choice to keep those feelings between myself and Juju. and that is what i need to get through that moment.

you are right, it's just another day. the pain won't magically disappear, ever. i feel terrible today too. january 1, 2011 hasn't erased anything.

sending you lots of love now and always....

Susan said...

Yep - there's lot of stuff I just don't want to share - usually random stuff that probably makes no sense to other people why I would want to keep it back, given the stuff I do post.

You take care Jenny xx

Mary said...

Share only what you want when you want. If you don't want to share something or are not ready to share something, that is okay. We all grieve in our own way. I myself haven't been sharing much latley. My head has been spinning with so many things inside that I just don't let any of it out. I try not to worry, but it happens anyway. Oh well, that's okay too. Losing a child is not easy and changes so many things. A new year or even a new child doesn't take away the hurt. I am rambling. I'm sorry. Like I said, everything is all jumbled up in my head. I totally understand keeping things to yourself. Take care and give Emily a great big hug for all of us in blogland. Always remember that no matter what we are thinking of you and your precious family and always remembering your beautiful daughter Megan with you.

Amy D said...

When I leave a comment and only say "I love you", it's because I want to say something and don't know what to say.

So

I love you.

rebecca said...

I hope so much that 2011 is a much better year for you, I can't imagine one much worse that then year you've experienced. You are such an incredibly strong woman and have endured far more tragedy than one person should. Sending so much love your way and hoping you continue to find the strength you need to continue forward.

mrsnice777 said...

(((hugz)))

Ava's mummy said...

I am new to your blog but wanted to send some love and strength to you. I hope that 2011 is a peaceful year for you and your family.

I think I understand what you mean about only sharing some things. I lost my eldest twin daughter in Oct 2009 and have just started blogging publically. (I wrote to Ava for a year prior to that in a private blog). There are still things that I keep just for Ava.

I hope that sharing whatever thoughts you want to here is helpful. xxxx