We have both lost children. She understands that its scary. I need to be the bigger person and let her sleep on her own, without poking and prodding her all night. Bedsharing isn't safe anyways, right.... She would never ever compromise the safety of her child. *Our children were born within 3 weeks of each other* Everything she says, sounds so condescending to me. I'm completely fine with the fact that you are against bedsharing, but please don't tell me I'm a bad mom because I do, and because I do check on my child many times during the night doesn't mean I'm disturbing her necessarily. She is actually a fabulous sleeper, only wakes maybe 1x a night to nurse.
I'm trying to be the bigger person and not tell her to "Shut her piehole."
It is taking everything in me not to bring up the differences in our child loss. My child died in their sleep. My child, a thriving toddler, went to sleep one day and never woke back up. Her child was born still. Did we both lose children? Of course. Is it heartbreaking no matter what? Yes of course.
Its still different. Why would she have this insane fear that I and other sids/sudc moms have? It is different, but I feel bad saying that. Like somehow I'm dishonoring her child, belittling her loss. It feels like she is belittling my fears. I am trying to show her compassion and not shake her.
Loss is loss.
It is different though.
Her child had a infection. Her child has a cause of death. Mine does not.
That right there makes me jealous, whereas I know she is jealous that my child lived for 18 months. I know this because we have talked about it. It is human nature.
Am I selfish? I have always believed in bedsharing and breastfeeding and attachment parenting. I imagine that I always woke up to check on Emily and Megan, the only difference is .... I didn't wake up with the fear, with the choking god awful fear that I'm going to have to hold another child... another dead child in my arms.
Immunizations, she can't understand whatsoever why I might have a fear of giving Amanda vaccinations. I'm just following blindly into the propaganda and scare tactics of people who are uneducated and etc. Hello?! My child died the day after receiving her 4th dpat shot. I do not have a reason for her death. I will never know why she died, but you damn well cannot blame me if I choose to delay vaccinations. Amanda will still receive some vaccinations, not the dpat. Not for awhile anyways. They will be done one a time. I'm not in a big hurry. I'm not freaking out over them, but I am keeping my options/opinions open.
I imagine if anyone tried to give one of my children the antibiotic that Megan took shortly before her death, I will have issues with that as well. My kid died. Unexpectedly, with no rhyme no reason for it. Yeah, I'm hesitant and scared. I'm not stupid. I do know that some of my fears are just ridiculous.
Emily was baptized, Megan was not....... I feel like i desperately and quickly need to have Amanda baptized. Ridiculous fear, I know this.
Amanda is 16 weeks old now. She just started giggling and loves to give up big cheesy smiles. They just aren't that easy to catch on camera. This was the tail end of one.
Yep, my 7 year is still full harnessed in a car seat :) isn't she just the prettiest?!
Last night Daddy gave Amanda a bath. She is not a big fan. She is the first child of ours to wholly dislike water.
This is what happened after ^ the bath. I was doing dishes and found them <3