Saturday, January 14, 2012

Feeling better

Around dinner time yesterday i just felt this huge weight lift off of me.  Just a huge sigh of relief, everyone is still here and alive and the worry is over.  I know that sounds silly but yesterday while I was trying to be nonchalant and not worried I still was.  I'm not a dreamer and after losing Megan, I can't just look at things simply anymore.  I can't just enjoy Amanda like i did my other two.  Its different.  It will always be different.

I made a mountain of a mole hole.  You know what? That's ok.   To me the fears were real and scary and while I kept it at bay it was there pecking at me.

Then dinner time happened and I realized hey, we are over the time limit because all unfounded fears have time limits you know. 
I slept so well last night. 

I also dreamed again.  One of those dreams where you wake up and then fall right back into it.  Very strange, end of the world kind of dream.  People trying to kill us, killer viruses on the loose.  Very entertaining, my own personal little movie haha!  Why am I dreaming all of a sudden though? 


Melissa said...

Glad you're feeling better!!

michelle said...

Glad your feeling better as well. I love end of the world movie dreams, they are a great distraction!

Susan said...

We've been away for the weekend Jenny, so I'm reading your last 2 posts together. I think the thing is, you obviously sound totally bonkers, and of course Amanda's head won't implode with snot - but then on the other hand, Megan and C dying didn't make any sense either. So it is obviously totally understandalbe that we're bonkers...

I've been dreaming a lot lately too - strange anxiety dreams that don't make much sense. I suppose it is our heads trying to cope with the enormous things we've lived through (death, birth.. huge stuff).