Lately SIDS has been a hot topic of conversation. Especially since there have been many new articles out talking about it. They are finally making it known that SIDS is not suffocation deaths but now they have the nerve to say, "The majority of SIDS deaths are because of unsafe sleeping environments".
That is such a huge slap in the face to those of us who have lost children. Day cares have pretty high standards and rules. Are we supposed to be putting all the blame on them? Thats ridiculous. What about all the mommys I know that followed the SIDS rules, baby on back, fans in rooms, baby in their own sleep environment. People that are worried about SIDS do not fill the crib up with junk. Most of us have been scared to death of SIDS all of our children's lives. It just disgusts me because so many people I know did all the right things and yet their kids still died and now these articles are making out like it is somehow our faults. Thats how it reads.
Lastly the moms that co slept. Yes there have been cases of a child being rolled on and suffocated but now they are creating this huge stigma that all co sleeping will cause deaths. Bed sharing. I don't believe that for a second. Yes you have to take precautions but I don't believe for one moment that the mothers or fathers I know rolled on top of their children and suffocated them. This would be suffocation. This is something that they can find out during autopsy, this is a cause of death. SIDS and SUDC are the band aid answers when they cannot find the cause of death. I know of one person in my huge baby loss community that this happened to, a bed sharing accident. Yes there is safe sleeping and bed sharing is not for everyone. It does not however mean that your child will die if you do it. Ive stated many times before that I often felt that my own bed sharing with Megan kept her alive longer. I had this huge fear of her sleeping alone at night away from me because every time I moved, I moved her as well. She was constantly waking up out of that deep sleep and readjusting. Who knew that it would be a nap that would take her away.
The majority of the parents I have met who've lost kids. Lost them in day cares, in cribs alone at night or nap times, in swings, and only a few were actual bed sharing when it happened. The majority of them were alone. Alone. My child was alone and it is something I and I'm sure many others regret every single moment of our lives.
I understand that with a older child dying it jades my opinion a tad. I can't just think "oh it couldn't roll, got stuck etc". My healthy active vibrant 18 month old who could walk and talk and jump died. You cannot tell me there were unsafe sleeping circumstances involved. Her face on my bed created no alarm. Nothing was amiss when I walked in that room. Nothing was near her face but the mattress. Nothing screamed out at me this is wrong. What was unsafe about that? Yes she was on her stomach. She was 18 months old, after what 5 months you no longer have the control to keep them on their back. She had no blankets on her, she was not near pillows. She was peaceful. If a healthy active 18 month old can die this way then why in the hell are people making other moms feel bad about their younger ones dying? Well you co slept, well you had that bear in the crib, well you didn't have a fan, you let them sleep on their stomach. You had bumpers!
We are all already suffering and I hate that these new articles that I'm reading are so condescending. Someone reading this who has not gone through what we have is thinking to themselves, "they should have known better. Its their fault."
Like we don't put enough blame on ourselves as it is. Like we don't battle the "What ifs." Daily, we mothers battle the what ifs. Lets just keep kicking us while were down. Give us one more reason to feel like others think its our fault. We did something wrong.
Sometimes the unimaginable happens and there is no way to prevent it. Nobody wants to hear the truth of that so lets just keep saying other things. Kids don't just die.