Stuck

I feel stuck back in that day... today. I just keep flash backing to that last moment, that last time I held her on my couch.  Held her for the last time.  The weight of her in my arms, knowing the finality of what handing her over to the coroner meant.  Never again.  Never again would she nestle deep into my neck and hug me so tight.  Never again would I hear her giggle or call for me.  Never again would I see her look up at me with that gorgeous smile and love shining in her beautiful brown eyes.  I can't get the image out of my head, her wrapped in that white sheet while we all held her and said our goodbyes.  Goodbye, to my daughter.  OH I miss her so much :( Its already been to long. My heart aches so much for you today Megan. I miss you so much, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you, you are always on my mind and I just miss you.

Its a new month

March was difficult.  April is going to be better.  I've committed myself to getting healthier and I'm hoping and praying that I follow through.  I know from experience that I need 2-3 weeks of being consistent for me to stay on this path.   Exercising 2-3 times a month just wasn't cutting it.

I'm going to go and cancel my gym membership that I restarted in January.  I love the gym I just cannot take Amanda there and feel good about it.  Plus I have a 400 dollar damn BOB.  It was one thing to not use it when it was freezing but its warmer now.  Amanda of course likes to scream for the 1.5 miles and then will usually settle down and be happy.  Usually it means I have to give up my phone so she can watch "Doc McStuffins"

I just emailed 20 people, my mind is mush.  I ignored pretty much any email I got concerning my blog, whatever for the month of March.  I think I'm all caught up but if you are reading this and saying hey you  never emailed me.  Let me know.  I was even emailing people from last year lol.  I have not been the best communicator but hey I'm getting old. I turn 34 on the 8th.

Well that's it for now.  Nothing to do with Megan, I realize that If I only write about my feelings with her, I'm not going to write as often.  Well see if this keeps me focused.  Would like to have one blog entry a week.  Tall orders I know.

Oh, would you like to laugh at me?

Last night while holding our ancient cat, I told my husband her eyes were as black as saucers.
Yep.
He made sure I knew that the saying was, WIDE as saucers.  Then he went on ebay and looked up black teacups/saucers for me.  Probably won't hear the end of that for awhile.