Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The kindness in others

There is nothing like losing a child that says I need to help this person.  I need to do something for this person, send a card, send flowers, make creative little memories, names in the sand and etc.   Its all so wonderful and appreciated. Its so nice to know that others care because there is nothing you can say to me that is going to make me feel better that my 18 month old is gone.  Yet when I open the mail to a beautiful little rock that has Megan's name on it, or a picture of Megan's name in the sand from someone who went on vacation, anything and everything that lets me know you care, that you are trying to be there for  me it means so much and I don't think I have properly thanked people enough for that.  

Its all these little things that people do to reach out to you that make things just a little easier.  That kindness and the sadness that you share with me, not forgetting that she was here.  That she is important still and will not be forgotten.  

Knowing that you when you think of me, you hug your children a little closer, you give thanks for your blessings and when things are bad and you are at your wits end.  You remember me and it isn't so bad and It makes me feel like I have reached out to people and that they understand just a little.  Id still rather be on the other side, but ..... im not.


Tiffany said...

so true. i wish we both could be on the other side. it just plain sucks to be in this world without our babies. i'm sorry you have to feel this pain. but you are not alone - i am here for you. ♥

Amy D said...

I miss Megan too. <3 I don't think I will ever, ever forget. Even in the small way that I knew her, she made an impact on my life.

rebecca said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog and your kind words. Tiffany is one of my closest real life friends, sadly we have more in common now than we ever thought! I'm so sorry for your loss, Megan was a beautiful little girl. I cannot imagine coping with the loss of a child at that age. I'm glad you have felt others remembering with you and offering support. Sending love & prayers your way.

Lux said...

I saw the thread of yours on mothering. I'm so, so very sorry. Megan was a beautiful little girl. My heart just aches for you and your family.

The mamas I've come across in the baby loss community have been such an amazing support to me. I'm glad you feel the love and support. (((hugs)))

mrsnice777 said...

I hear you! I hope to be one of those who can send you something soon!!


Mary said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful Megan with us. We will never forget her. I will definitely think of you and hold my kids a little tighter. You and your precious family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Cherish said...

I have to tell you that your an inspiration to all of us mommy without our babies, I lost my little girl at five months old from SIDS and it was the worst thing I have ever gone through, but I do have my little boy I have to live for and even though my normal before she died will never be my normal now but its so nice to know we have each other to lean on and we are not alone. It has been three years since my baby left me and there isnt a day that goes by without thinking of her and wondering what she would look like and how she would be acting but I know she is with God and happy. I am praying for your family. Know time will ease your pain but it will never go away you just learn how to cope. It took me almost two years before I stopped crying on a daily basis but time does make it easier to cope. Dont let anyone telll you not to cry... Cry sweetie and dont hold any emotions back because its your way of coping and people who havent walked in our shoes dont know so do what feels right for you. Sending you all the love and prayers,

Elena said...

I saw your post on Mothering about your daughter, and followed you to your blog here.

I am crying, reading your story. I can just feel your love for Megan with every word you write. I see the love that beautiful Megan has on her face-- the joy and laughter that she brought the world.

Your nightmare before Megan died reminds me of what to a friend of our family (she is like my aunt) had many years ago. Her daughter was 10, and had symptoms that had been coming on slowly for a year. She had unusual habits like licking salt off potato chips. Her mother took her time and time again to the doctor, but everything was "fine."

Our friend had a dream that someone in a black hat was coming, taking away her daughter. She fought with him and lost. I can't remember how long after, maybe a month-- but this beautiful girl died from undiagnosed Addison's disease. She died while her parents were downstairs discussing what they were going to say to the doctor at her appointment the next day.

She was 10 and I was 12. We had grown up together. She and her sister were like cousins to me. I don't think the pain goes away. I cannot imagine what her mother, father, and sister go through. As you said-- people do live. They do survive. I do not know how, but they do.

From what you have written about Megan-- the beauty of who she is just shines through. Her gorgeous smile is just another symbol of the amazing Being that she is. I say that with the present tense-- she Is. Energy cannot be destroyed.

It isn't fair. It isn't fair that you don't have her. I have to believe that eventually we will see those we love again-- hug them, hear them, be with them.

I am so sorry.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.