Yes hate is a strong word. I don't hate everyone, I don't even hate everyone I think I do. It is just what pops in my head when I see you driving around with your kids not in carseats, not buckled and jumping all over. Its immediate, that thought just floods me and for that moment in my life I hate you. In the last week I have seen this 6 times. Six times!
Why do you get to be so neglectful with your childs life and have them live? Why do you get to wake up to their kisses and hugs every single day? You are an idiot. You do not let your toddler jump all over the seat. You do not put 6 freaking kids in the back seat of a honda. You do not hold your 6 month old baby in your lap. You do not flip me off when I open mouth stare at you while you pull out of the parking lot with kids jumping all over in your car.
It isn't fair. I would like to be a caring and loving person who understands that everyones situation is different. I would like to not be so filled with rage because of the unfairness of it all. The fact is I'm jealous and I'm hateful and maybe I am not a nice person. Why?
I want so much more than this.
Why me? Why her?
Life after the death of a toddler
3 comments:
WOW! I can't believe you've seen that 6 times!!! That is awful!!!!
:-( Sorry you had to see that.
Jamie
I wrote an almost identical blog entry about a week or so ago:
http://susansobspot.blogspot.com/2010/11/grumpy-old-woman-again.html
It's reassuring to know we both have the same feelings. I think it's probably very normal. I was very risk adverse with Catherine - she died anyway. It seems so unfair. I was never so judgemental about other people's parenting before she died.
Big hug to you xx
I hate seeing this! Last year I saw a woman turn in front of a truck when she was supposed to yield. I heard the crash but didn't see it. When I got up to the corner the back door was wide open so I could see that she didn't even have a carseat in the car and there was a baby, maybe one, two at the most just covered in blood because he hadn't been buckled. Why are people so reckless with their precious gifts?!
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