Monday, August 2, 2010

August 2, 2004 my sweet Emily made her appearance into the world. Today she is 6 years old. Such a special birthday for her and I'm so proud of her. Yet I can't stop thinking that in just 30 days, it will Megans birthday. We don't get to celebrate her second birthday, not like we should.

Today I have to be happy and not let the tears flow. We are going to make a cake any cake she picks out with any frosting she picks out. When dad gets home we will open presents and either go play at charlie safaris or go to a movie. Its not completely decided yet.

Right now at this moment is the only time I'm allowing myself to cry because I will never experience this age with Megan. I still question why and how a person goes on after facing something like this. It isn't fair. I don't understand. I just want to be happy again without all this pain in my heart. I want to smile and not feel so fake.

Today Is Emily's birthday and she deserves to have a fabulous day. Happy Birthday my princess number one. May lots of hugs and smiles and joy shape your day.


Emily said...

I hope Emily had a wonderful birthday and that you were able to feel the love that I am sure Megan is sending to Emily. Tell Emily hello, from one Em to another and I hope we can do each others nails again.

Monica said...

Hi. You don't know me, and I don't know you, but I saw your post on OHO and decided to check out your blog. I just wanted to tell you that reading your posts REALLY put things into perspective for me. My husband is TDY right now. Another, 3 times longer, TDY is in our near future and a deployment will follow shortly after that. I have an almost 15 month old, who I love dearly, but who also has had me at my rope's end lately. I've been focusing so much on the negative, and how I hate single parenting, and how much work she is and how I just want a small break from her. But after reading this, I realize that I should be so thankful for the time I do get to spend with her because we never know how long anyone has left on this earth. Thank you so much, for pouring your heart out into this blog and letting others read it. I think it was just what I needed to snap me back into reality. Congrats on your 3rd pregnancy! I hope you can get the tricare stuff worked out. I know they're a huge pain sometimes.

Geri said...


Have you heard any news as to the cause of your sweet little Megan's death? You mentioned that you filed a VAERS report. What has come out of that if anything? The worst thing for me when my daughter Zoe died of SIDS was not having answers. There is no closure without answers.


Wyatt's Mommie said...

I am so very sorry and my heart goes out to you. You don't know me either. I am a mother who tried for 26 months to become pregnant. After IVF it finally happened, only to result in me losing my son at 29 weeks gestation to a heart defect called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Although I never saw my son alive (except through ultrasound images) I knew my son and I miss him every day.
I can only imagine what it must be like for you. I am truly sorry for your loss. Please know that you will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
I will begin to follow your blog as I feel a connection to you in a way. Both lost a child just in different ways and at different times, and I feel connected to her name Megan, for that is my name.
If you would like to follow my blog or read more of my loss please feel free to check out my blog at

<3 Megan