Friday, February 25, 2011

I don't know what to say

I want to write so badly but I am at a loss.  My one year anniversary of Megan's death is literally days away and I don't know what to do to honor her.  I don't know what to say, I don't know what to think.   I just don't know.  So now you know what I know.
I'm here, I'm just thinking.  I'm sad and I feel lonely. 
I miss her.

4 comments:

Ava's mummy said...

I wish I had the words to help but I don't. The build up to anniversaries is just so hard, especially the first anniversary. People mark the day in such different ways. I personally needed to be alone with Ava's daddy and twin sister, others want to be with family and friends. We lit candles and although it is a small thing, that helps me. I hope that whatever you do to remember Megan seems right for you. I remember thinking that nothing seemed right though as no parent should have to do this at all.

Sending much love and strength and remembering Megan with you. I would very happily light a candle for Megan if you would like that. xxxx

Geves said...

Oh, Jenny, it is so hard. Especially as Ava's mummy said on the first anniversary. For me, the anniversary is a day to get through, however we can. There are no happy memories of that day to look back on, unlike a birthday. What we've done the past few years is to do something as a family we thought Juliette would like to do - try and have fun, to obliterate the inevitable memories - but it's still hard, and it might be too soon for this for you. Lighting a candle is a lovely idea and we do this, but everything seemed empty and pointless, especially the first year.

Batten down the hatches - try to avoid seeing other people outside the family unless you're sure they'll help. That's what I've done, at least.

I'm thinking of you, and little Megan. x

Susan said...

Jenny
We're six weeks away from our first anniversary. I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, but a bit part of me thinks my job was to honour and love Catherine when she was alive. If we got that bit right for Catherine and Megan, we can't possibly get anything else wrong. I think our job now is to be gentle with ourselves and the others left behind.
You are a wonderful Mummy to Megan - your life for her shines through. Sending you love and strenght too - you are not alone.
Susan x

Diana Doyle said...

Jenny,

I feel for you so much. Anniversaries are pure pain and exhausting. It's been 7 years for me and I still find it hard.

On our daughter Savannah's Anniversary, I turn the phone off, go to the church where we had her service and light a candle for her...and I usually sit and sob.

I wrap myself in cotton wool for the day...and if I feel strong enough I re-read all the beautiful cards and emails we received...and sob.

I try to eat or go or do something she would've loved on that day with my other daughter...and on her birthday we release balloons.

I buy a beautiful bunch of flowers for her and light a special candle we have on a shelf we have dedicated to her.

All of these help just a tiny bit to make me feel as if I have honored her...but nothing on that day takes away the crushing pain that she is missing.

Sending you a hug...I will keep you in my thoughts.
with love
Diana x